Those Phrases given by My Parent That Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."